How to break out of dysfunctional habits

by Steven Snyder on June 2, 2013

Tara Bennett-Goleman Uncropped PhotoDo you have behaviors or emotions you would like to change? Perhaps you get angry a little too often, or find yourself retreating when there’s conflict. Or maybe you are in a dissatisfying relationship, are frustrated with your boss, or just feel like the world isn’t giving you what you need.

If so, Tara Bennett-Goleman’s brilliant new book, Mind Whispering: A New Map to Freedom from Self-Defeating Emotional Habits should be on your reading list. This exquisitely written book will give you a complete roadmap for transforming dysfunctional and counterproductive emotions and behaviors into new patterns that will allow you to flourish.

It starts by building a vocabulary of emotional habits, which Tara calls modes. She draws from Buddhist philosophy to identify three basic modes: attachment, aversion, and bewilderment. While these modes, in their healthy form, can lead to productive and fulfilling living, they often manifest more negatively, causing suffering and hardship for ourselves and others. The key is to transform these negative modes into secure mode, a state of integrated wholeness that brings you into balance so you can engage more fully with the world around you.

How do you make the transition into secure mode?

First you need to learn to recognize the negative patterns, so you can spot them when they occur. Then, you need to begin the process of mindful habit change, which is at the core of Mind Whispering. Tara builds on Charles Duhigg’s breakthrough book, The Power of Habit, and then, with clarity and precision, layers in the practice of mindfulness.
Dan Goleman -- Uncropped Photo
This is where the book really shines. Tara’s gentle and non-judgmental guidance makes you feel safe and secure. She illustrates her points through numerous real-life examples, so you understand exactly what she’s talking about. Already, the journey has led to some fresh new insights that I’ve put into action for my own life.

Mind Whispering is one of those rare books—so beautifully and eloquently written, yet practical and inspiring. I highly recommend!

Special Note: I had the pleasure of meeting Tara and her husband Dan Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, in a workshop in St. Paul sponsored by the Tergar Meditation Community. The pictures are from the workshop.

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Leadership Lessons from PepsiCo CEO, Indra Nooyi

by Steven Snyder on May 7, 2013

I have long been a fan of PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi. Early in her tenure as CEO she announced “Performance with Purpose,” a mantra that would become central to the PepsiCo journey over these past six years.

Today, she spoke at the Carlson School First Tuesday luncheon. Cheered by an enthusiastic and appreciative crowd of nearly 450, Nooyi chronicled five leadership lessons that together form the roadmap for global leaders in the 21st century.

  1. Balance the short-term and long-term. Today’s leaders are, all too often, driven only by short-term quarterly results, yielding decisions that are counterproductive for the longer-term health of the organization and society.  Effective leaders must strike a balance. Yes, they need to produce in the short term. But, their decisions must consider a longer-term horizon as well.
  2. Develop a deep understanding of public/private partnerships. Nooyi points out that many private sector leaders treat the public sector (NGOs, governments) as the enemy—and visa versa.  “Stiff arming them is simply not going to work,” Nooyi says. Instead she advocates “walking a mile in their shoes.” She believes that NGO leaders do their jobs as a “labor of love.” Treating them with respect and understanding, as opposed to distain and condescension can go a long way.
  3. Think global, act local. Nooyi argues this is not an outdated cliché, but instead, sound advice that can yield innovative, out-of-the box solutions. She showed part of a nine-minute commercial video, produced for the 2012 Chinese New Year.  This video gave voice to three PepsiCo brands—Pepsi, Lay, and Tropicana—none of which had enough critical mass to support a large advertising campaign. But, once the resources were pooled, such a campaign became feasible.  In addition, the commercial captured the yearning, in modern Chinese society, for parents to re-connect with their children during the Chinese New Year, a tradition that has recently become imperiled by busy careers and lives.  The commercial, which has been seen hundreds of millions of times in China, is an example of how corporate silos can be broken and local customs embraced, producing a creative solution that works for everyone.
  4. Keep an open mind to adapt to changes. Nooyi cites Socratic learning—the art of asking probing questions to facilitate dialog and exploration. All-too-often, leaders close their minds to dissent, cutting off much needed debate. To lead in an ever-changing world, Nooyi says, leaders must adapt and stay nimble.
  5. Lead with your head and your heart. Leaders must develop deep emotional intelligence, and bring “their whole selves to work every day.”  They must continually remind themselves that everyone who works for them is a unique human being and seek to strengthen this human connection and bond.  Nooyi talked about how she wrote letters to the parents of her entire top executive team, telling them how proud they should be about the work of their offspring.  This unconventional act created an outpouring of emotion, and more deeply connected her executive team to the company mission—tapping into their underlying passions and sense of purpose.

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Are You Unafraid to Fail?

April 3, 2013

Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending an uplifting talk by D&B CEO Sara Mathew at the Carlson School of Management’s First Tuesday luncheon. Mathew told of her remarkable journey from an entry-level clerk at Procter and Gamble to the top job at another venerable institution, Dun and Bradstreet. By itself, this is a very [...]

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Words of appreciation and gratitude on this special day

March 11, 2013

Today is the official “publication date” of my first book, Leadership and the Art of Struggle, beginning a weeklong online launch celebration.  There will be tweet chats, blog reviews, radio interviews, tweets, and Facebook excitement. As all this is going on, I want to take a moment to express my appreciation to the many people [...]

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It’s All Coming Together

March 6, 2013

The official launch date for my book is only days away and I am amazed and gratified at how well it is all coming together. This week we’ve seen some tremendous coverage in the press, with reviews on major media outlets, byline article placement, and blogger reviews. Here is a sampling of some of this [...]

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The Space Between Stimulus and Response

February 18, 2013

So often when we get into an argument, or even a vigorous debate, we don’t even stop to listen to what is being said. Instead, we frequently simply reiterate our position, albeit ever more forcefully. This is too bad, because it misses a huge opportunity. Author Stephen Covey has written extensively about a perceptive passage [...]

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What The Book of Mormon Teaches Us About Leadership Struggle

February 13, 2013

Recently, I saw the musical satire, The Book of Mormon. While I had already listened to the sound track, and even purchased and read through the script, I found myself surprised by how deeply I was stirred by the live performance. As the layers of artistic brilliance echoed within me, I began to connect with [...]

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Gifts Received From My Struggles

February 5, 2013

Some people believe that their struggles are actually gifts in disguise. A former executive of a large consumer products organization said it best when she told me: “From my perspective, every single bump in the road, slap in the face, knee in the back—every single one of those things was a fabulous gift.” Last week, [...]

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Break the Pattern of Micromanaging

January 3, 2013

The New Year is a good time to break from old maladaptive patterns and form new habits more in keeping with your goals and values. One possible path is to reexamine your leadership style, and confront a blind spot commonly known as micromanaging. The cost of micromanagement is staggering in terms of employee morale, turnover [...]

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Taming Your Tiger of Fear

December 11, 2012

In the movie The Life of Pi, a teenager named Pi sets out with his zookeeper parents on a journey across the Pacific Ocean. Also aboard the Japanese cargo ship are the zookeeper’s animals, a veritable Noah’s Ark en route from India to their new home in Canada. During a storm, the freighter sinks, and [...]

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